First Trip Recap Continued

So why am I rehashing our trip one year later? Well, while it was happening it was too hard to write details of my concerns. Now, a year later, I can honestly say that it all worked out wonderfully. And I always love reading stories of happy adoption endings. After our Trip 1, while I was left with 4 months to worry, I searched for stories that involved first child meetings that were less than stellar, yet turned out good in the end. So many of the blogs I read talked about the first trip meetings and how they just knew as soon as they met their child that they would be fine. I saw First Trip pictures of babies that smiled or interacted or engaged in play, and people talked about seeing a spark in their child. We had none of that. I honestly did not meet Owen and just know he would be fine. In all honesty, he had a blank stare, and no visible spark (which is amazing, now that I know him). We had a 4 page checklist of developmental things to look for (given to us by our agency), and we could not check off 90% of it. We never heard him utter a sound (and the translator said she hadn't heard him talk, but she did say she'd seen him smile and interact with other children). We didn't get the chance to see him with his caregivers. He didn't warm up to us. He was an adorable little expressionless stare with long, slow blinks and a slight head twitch. And it still worked out wonderfully. So, maybe this gives some hope to someone else out there with similar worries. Perhaps it doesn't always turn out so well. But sometimes it does.

So back to the next meeting..

The next day we met Owen, he seemed only slightly more lively. When our translator brought him in, she was tickling his feet and we did hear him laugh. That stopped as soon as he was with us, and he became very serious again. We had Cheerios this time and toys that our translator helped us purchase (since we were sans luggage). He very slowly picked up one Cheerio and then set it back down suspiciously even though I noisily gobbled them up and made a show of how good they were. The toys he clutched again, but did not play. He would walk holding onto our hands though, and went down a little slide. Then I picked him up over my head and said Wheee, and for the tiniest split second we saw a smile! It was gone as soon as he came down to our level, and it was like it never happened. I would wonder later whether it was an actual smile or a grimace of fear. But when we talked about it later, Jim and I both would say that even though it was just for a split second, that smile seemed to change his entire face. Now, I know that it was true. He is adorable when serious, but OH when he smiles. His entire face really changes and the smile could stop a truck. Beautiful. So that was about it for our good times though. We walked around a little and lifted him over our heads. Then the slow blinks started again, and we knew he was sleepy again. This time they did allow us to walk back to the baby room and hand him back to a caregiver. I tried to take it all in, and yet I could not tell you now a thing about the room or the caregivers except that the babies were cute and crowded around the little fenced in area looking at us with curiosity. Jim swears that Owen had a real smile when his caregiver took him, but I never saw it.

We didn't hesitate to sign the papers after that, saying that we definitely wanted to become Owen's parents. Still, we were left with 4 months to worry until we saw him again. I suppose I should have contacted our Int'l Adoption doctor who had evaluated his referral information and talked to her about our worries, and shared our video. But I think we both knew that no amount of analysis would change the fact that we would never know what this baby was like until he was home. We could ask more questions, and never be sure the answers were correct. Everything would be a guess until he was in a home environment and felt more comfortable with us. Nothing seemed majorly out of whack with motor skills, and our translator and the orphanage Director said he was a good boy. And so he is.

Now I wonder - why didn't they tell us he was wonderful, incredible, strong, smart, funny, charming?!? Because he is. Surely they knew that. It seems so obvious to us now. I can only look back on it now and thank God that I did not think too hard about the unknowns.