Yin and Yang

Today I'm thankful for the ebb and flow of the individual difficulties and challenges within the family.

We all have our challenges, no doubt.  On any particular day, one person will have more challenges, or difficult behaviors, than another.  I was pondering this phenomenon earlier in the week as I noticed the beginnings of some moodiness with my Tween.  He's never been moody, so these first signs of some bad attitude were startling to say the least.  In fact, my first instinct was something along the lines of, "Oh NO we're NOT going to be moody!  You are my even keel, NON-moody one!  You will STAY that way!  Right now!" (Stomping and waving my finger in the air for effect).  But as I thought about it a bit more, and analyzed it from a distance (after the children were in bed), I realized that it made sense in the grand scheme of the family.  Owen is almost six, and while he still has his challenges, they are no longer overwhelming every single moment of every single day like they may have been a few years ago.  There is now some breathing room.  It makes sense that someone else will rise to fill the void.  I only wish that I'd thought of it first…though maybe menopause moodiness will trump Tween moodiness before long.  Watch your back, Liam!

I like to think of it as the Great Evening Out.  I guess that sounds too much like a date night though.  Maybe the Great Cosmic Balancing Act.  If everyone were to be at maximum difficulty at the same time, the family might explode.  As long as we can keep it rotating, we might manage to keep moving forward.

Wait a minute, I'm remembering some months after Owen first came home from Russia that were excruciatingly hard because Owen and Natalie were both at maximum difficult…So I guess that brings me to Thankfulness Part Two:  I'm also thankful for an exceedingly bad memory.  Many unpleasant things can be forgotten with poor long-term memory.  Very thankful for that - it should never be underestimated.

Furry Family

I am thankful for sweet pets.

This is not to be confused with ornery, cranky pets (RIP Tigger).  While those can have a certain charm as well, this year we have two sweet, loving pets, and for that I am thankful.

Our two little kitten rescues are sisters from a litter that was tended by a homeless man until he gave them to a pet rescue group.  Jersey and Devon came home right before Easter, and their utter cuteness blew the minds of all three kids.

They are loving, patient (i.e., they let Natalie carry them upside down like babies all over the house, and hardly even glare at me while it's happening), funny, and cuddly.  It's been such a blessing for the kids to experience this.  If we had stopped at Tigger, I'm afraid that Owen would have always harbored a deep mistrust of pets, and Natalie and Liam would have gone though life thinking it is "kind of cute" when a pet bites you for petting him the wrong way.

The kittens have also modeled wonderful sibling love.  They take care of each other, give each other baths, and generally have a great time together.  They are even cute when they fight.  When they are being lovey together, Natalie will call out, "Sister love!!"  And all of the kids have learned how to pick them up, how to make them purr, and how to be gentle (Owen).  These things are not always intuitive (Owen), so I'm thrilled at this learning experience.

However, if you visit, you will not get to see much of their adorable cuteness, because they are quite shy around anyone other than family.  They are strange that way.

Behold, the cuteness overload...

Trees

Today I'm thankful for beautiful trees, and children who love them.

I've been fully enjoying the Fall colors this year.  After a number of years in Texas, I had forgotten how surprising and vivid the colors can be in other parts of the country.  It really is lovely, though I can tell that it is happening very quickly now, and I feel some anxiety around the fact that they will be gone before I enjoy them properly.  The same feeling I get looking at the kids, I suppose.

Natalie and Owen are suddenly obsessed with a certain tree in the yard that Natalie discovered she could climb.  I think it started out as a fun little "oh, look what I can do" climb, but turned into an obsession after a group of neighborhood boys stood around the tree and demanded that she "give them a turn."  Apparently it is the ONLY tree in the neighborhood that is remotely climbable, at least according to these boys.  Natalie refused to come down, saying it was HER tree.  Her determination made me smile.  They eventually gave up.  The tree now has a Welcome mat at the bottom (kind of ironic, that), and various baggies and strings hanging from it's branches, including a string on which to paperclip mail that is to be delivered to Natalie or Owen.  They asked to have pizza delivered to the tree, and if they could sleep in it.  Surprisingly, Natalie is completely fine with Owen being in the tree, and gives him a boost if he needs it.

If I can piggyback one more bit of gratitude on this post, I'm also thankful that my kids are showing an interest in photography.  I suggested many times over the summer that they could use a camera, but I guess it needed to be their idea.  Natalie took the great picture of Owen in "their tree."  And Liam asked to use my camera on a walk in the woods the other day, and he had some great shots as well.

Monkey girl.

Photo taken by Natalie.

Photo taken by Liam.

Thankful For...My Girl

I'm going to borrow the current Facebook trend of posting something I am thankful for, each day in November.  Can't promise I will do it every day, but maybe it will get me to write more this month.

I'm thankful for my Halloween baby girl.  She was "scheduled" to arrive on November 1st eight years ago, but she has always had a mind of her own, and so she became a Halloween baby.

I love her independent spirit, and even her ever-changing moods can be fascinating.  We had our first ever Halloween-themed birthday party this year, and she loved every minute of it.  She threw herself with gusto into the planning, the scouring of Michael's and Target for Halloween decor, the painting of goody boxes and decorations, and picking out costumes.  I think it is safe to say that she had a good party.

I am also thankful for how much better she has been getting along with Owen, also known as her 5-year-old vampire sidekick.  With Liam transforming into a Tween, Natalie has accepted, and dare I say enjoyed, having her younger brother as first mate on her adventures.  Yesterday she even speculated about her best friend from school, saying, "She must be kind of lonely, not having anyone to play with."  Mind you, this friend is one of four kids, but they are all older.  I pointed out that her friend has a sister in 5th grade, so the same age difference as between Natalie and Liam, and she replied, "Yes, but you know, she doesn't have anyone younger than her, so she can play with them."  I could not resist (and I should know better) saying, "You are so LUCKY to have Owen, aren't you??"  The daggers she shot in my direction were very quick, so I'm pretty sure that means she agreed with me.

I love my Halloween baby, spunky, smart, funny girl, who proudly proclaims, "You know, I'm into lots  of things besides video games.  I like art, math, being outside, balls, dancing..."  Yes, all that and more, sweet girl.

Ten and a Half...nearly

Well, here it is almost October, and I never even mentioned Liam's birthday (from MAY).  Oh, it's been a slow year for blogging.  I have no excuse, except that my brain has been working at half speed for most of the year.  I feel like brain activity has been slowing, slo-o-o-o-wing, slo-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-wing.  So there is a good chance that it is still only May in my brain.

So, Liam.  He moved into double digits!!  Exciting, and frightening, all mixed up in a pile.  He has started his final year of Elementary School.  Oh, how I remember that first day of Kindergarten.  I can see him changing more rapidly now, especially since the start of school.  Good Lord, he is becoming...drumroll.. a Tween!  Still, Liam usually eases into things, so I think he is going to go easy on me for a while.

The other day I was suggesting some lunch options (food has always been a somewhat difficult area for Liam), and he asked if he could have a bagel for lunch.  "Sure!" I told him.  "In fact, you can put turkey and cheese on it and make a bagel sandwich - doesn't that sound good?"  And Liam answered, in typical Liam style, "Uh, no thanks.  I was thinking just a bagel with cream cheese (which is what he has almost every day for breakfast).  You know, I don't really like things to be DIFFERENT.  I like them to just be the same."  And right there, he summed it up for me.  That is his truth.  And it hit me hard right then, how very difficult this last year must have been for my oldest boy. He does not like for things to be different.  He likes to know what to expect, and he doesn't mind repeating the same things over and over.  Yet, there he was, forced to move across the country during Holiday Break, a time which is usually just family, Christmas, and fun, move into a new house, a new community, a new school.  He really did not complain.  That is another thing about Liam - he is not usually a complainer.  Of course I love that about him, because it can make my mother's life easier.  Then again, I don't always feel like I know what is going on with him, because he wants to smooth it all out and not make any waves.

Just lately I feel like Liam looks more comfortable here, and is finding some friends and getting his groove.  Actually, at the very start of the year, he seemed to take a small step back and was expressing how much he missed Texas.  Maybe it just took him that long to express it.  Then he met a new friend, one who seems very similar to Liam, and started to show a lot more interest in the Here and Now instead of the past.  Now I see smiles more often.  He has even shown an interest in hanging around some of the 5th grade girls at the bus stop.  Wait - what kind of craziness is that?!?  Usually just the mention of the word "girl" sends him scurrying away in embarrassment.

Liam has a young, male teacher this year, and he is loving that.  His teacher is into writing, and I've noticed a huge change in Liam's interest and creativity in writing this year.  OK, I'm not sure that any teacher will overcome Liam's aversion to capitalization or punctuation, but my little e.e.cummings is developing quite an interesting voice in his writings.  I love it.  Plus, he joined a math team that meets once a week after school, and has come home more than once very energized about things like the Fibonacci sequence and cool math games that make good party tricks.  I love to see that, too.

He is taking swim lessons to be ready for the neighborhood Swim Team next summer (something he did enjoy about our new neighborhood this year), and is playing more golf.  I wonder if he misses the camaraderie of his Texas baseball team.  I know Jim misses it a lot (Coaching).  I have the feeling it wasn't that hard for Liam to leave behind though.

I sure do hope my sweet, dreamer boy has a good final year in Elementary School.  Good, fun, and predictable, with just enough things that are "different" and lots of things that are the same.

Back Again

Probably no one checks here anymore, because I've been gone too long.  The kids are back in school, so I am going to try and get back in the blogging groove.  It's always fun for me to go back and read old posts, and remember what those days were like, so I do have an invested interest in writing.  So I'm going to try and be better about posting.  Promise.

That said, it is hard to catch up on all the missing time.  So I'm just going to jump back in with an Owen story, in case you have forgotten his personality.  It's an easy way to begin again.

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Owen doesn't have much of a filter when talking to others...adults, children, friend or new acquaintance.  It can be funny.  It can be precocious.  It can be embarrassing.  Sometimes all of that and more.

On a trip to Home Depot not long ago, I was trying to concentrate in the Self Checkout Lane (which, by the way, I strongly dislike at Home Depot.  Grocery self checkouts are generally fine, but for some reason Home Depot is always an issue.  Personally, I think their products don't lend themselves to checking out without assistance.)  The point is, I was distracted by checking myself out (ha, that sounds a little funny), and Owen started to chat with the Guy Who Stands at the Desk and Watches You Struggle To Check Yourself Out Yet Usually Is Too Busy With Other People to Help You.  That particular day, he was idle.  Never be idle around Owen.  Why didn't someone tell him that?

To set the stage, the man was tall and bearded, and probably in his mid 50s.

O:  Hi!  My name's Owen.  I'm five.
Man:  Nice to meet you, Owen.

O:  Do you have a boy who is 5?
Man:  No, I don't.

O:  Do you have a girl who is 5?
Man:  No, I don't.

O:  How old are your kids?
Man:  I don't have any kids.

O:  What?!  Do you have a family???
Man:  No....I really don't have a family...
(And this is the point where I am realizing how awkward this conversation is getting, and the man is seriously looking glum.  Ack!  I try to grab Owen's hand to bring him over next to me, without much luck.)

O:  What?!? You don't have a FAMILY???  What???  You mean you get to do whatEVER you want???!  Awesome!!!!
Man:  (He breaks into a smile from ear to ear, looks at me and says,)  No one has ever looked at it that way before!  That's right!!

Whew.  Way to save that conversation.  And as we walked out holding hands, with the Man waving at us like we're old friends now, Owen muttered to himself, "Man, if I didn't have a mother, I'd be able to do ANYthing..."

I told him he is out of luck there.  I will be around forEVER.

This and That

What's been happening...

Father/Daughter Dance 2013.  I think they enjoyed themselves, and from the video clips on Jim's phone there was actually quite a bit of dancing going on, at least by Natalie and her friends.  I'm so glad that she is still genuinely excited to go to dinner and a dance with her Daddy.

Some Green Eggs and Ham for Dr. Seuss's birthday.  These are the kind of green eggs and ham that the kids will actually eat.  Bliss White Chocolate squares melted onto a pretzel square with an M&M on top.  mmmmm

St. Patrick's Day fun.  It's getting harder to dress up Liam for holidays, but I'm going to get a picture in green...

I can get Liam to dress up when it's required for school, however.  Here he is as Benedict Arnold.  He did a good job of memorizing his speech.  The parents were invited to a "wax museum" where the kids spoke their part.  Who knew how dramatic fourth graders could be??  Liam turned in a solid performance, though acting might not be his favorite thing.  He has shown a real interest in History in his new school.  I think it's due in part to his teacher making it interesting.  His first day of school she was dressed as a Queen, and he was quite confused the first week when she "taxed" him for any sugary dessert in his lunch.  Turns out it was a lesson in taxation without representation...  In any case, she has him intrigued.

Quote of The Year

From Liam in the back of the car one day:

"You know, sometimes I think Natalie shines the Crazy Sign in the sky like Batman's signal, and Owen answers it."

Har-dee-har-har-har.har.har.

INDEED.

Now when the littlest two are getting crazy, I just picture that bat sign in the sky, calling Batman.  Batman, come quick, we need you!!  (Or in our world, "Crazy, crazy, calling all the crazies!  Things may have become too calm around here!"

It's All Downhill From Here

So, our new neighborhood is lovely, with trees and wildlife (there was a deer in the middle of the road this week, and 2 of his friends waiting on the other side), and HILLS.  The hills are so scenic and....hilly.  When we were first looking at houses, I appreciated the beauty of the hills, but I also would think every time we pulled up to a house, "Could the kids ride bikes here?"  You see, Natalie was just learning to ride without training wheels at our old house, so it was forefront in my mind.  Still, I ended up telling myself that if I can ride a bike on a hill (OK, I can at least ride down a hill, if not up), then they will also be able to do this at some point.

Fast forward to the first week we are in the new house.  Liam has been asked to play by a boy a bit older than him.  Yay!  He is making friends, and seems excited to play with them!  They played outside for a bit, and then came back to the house asking if Liam could ride his bike to the end of the cul-de-sac  with his friend.  It's not a long street.  But we are at the top, and the cul-de-sac is at the bottom.  I questioned some more, and they said they would just go down to the bottom and ride where it is mostly flat.  Trying not to embarrass him in front of his new, older friend, I raised my eyebrows and tried to make eye contact with Liam to ask, "Are you SURE you want to do this?  We haven't ridden on the hills yet."  You see, Liam is not a confident bike rider.  In fact, in Texas he never, ever asked to ride.  We basically had to force him to learn to ride, and practicing involved many deep sighs and "Do we have to?"'s  As soon as he gets on a bike you can see his unease and awkwardness.  But Holy Peer Pressure, Batman! here he was asking to ride his bike on his own, with a friend!  I was so impressed by this show of bravery and adventure and chutzpah.  Liam can be so cautious.  Honestly, I was terrified at the thought of him riding on that hill.  Still, I'm aware that sometimes my own fears leak over and puddle in Liam's mind too, and I hate when I'm accused of being over protective and "worrying too much."  I decided that surely he will take it SO slowly down that hill that he will get to the bottom safely.  And I wasn't even too worried about the bike ramp at the bottom that kids use, because I could not picture him trying that.  So I set him on his way with cautions to just go VERY slowly down the hill.

I didn't even watch as he left.  I was distracted by Owen's frenetic scootering (and why wasn't Owen wearing a helmet?!) with a different neighbor.  Then I heard the Crash, and looked down to see Liam and bike in a tangled heap in the middle of the road.  He was trying to be brave, but when I ran down to him, he started to cry a high-pitched squealing kind of cry.  His arm was bloody, but nothing was broken.

I felt TERRIBLE.  I should not have let him go!  I should have known it was too much!  Would "over-protective mother" have been worse than crashing and crying in the middle of the street in front of new friends?  So I helped him limp back home, tried to attend to his wounds and his wounded pride, and spent the rest of the day huddled on the couch stoking my own feelings of hating this new street, missing our old neighborhood, pondering how I could live here without ever going outside to face the neighbors again (not because of Liam's crash, but my freak-out behavior after the crash that no doubt labeled me the "scary, over-protective and quite possibly unbalanced new neighbor), angry that youngest son refuses to listen to me during times of duress, worried that Liam would never again ask to play or ride bikes.  You know, all the rational thoughts.  I called Jim to tell him about The Accident, and his response was, "Why did you send him down the hill like that?"  That helped my mood.

HOWEVER.  In hindsight, I have learned a few things:

• Liam, in fact, still seems more interested in riding a bike here than he did in TX.  Go figure.  
• Jim was able to have a bonding time with Liam later by taking him to the bottom of the hill and having him practice going up a few feet and back down, gradually going up further and further until he pretty much mastered the hill.
• Owen still doesn't listen to me in times of duress, but that is a separate issue.  And maybe, just maybe, not worth all the self-flagellation that it caused.
• Pretending that no one saw you freak out and act bizarrely (you know, behavior that may have been more appropriate if, say, your child just stepped on a real land mine or something), and doing your best to act friendly and normal afterward can actually make talking to the neighbors again possible.  (Perhaps they talk about me behind my back, but as long as I don't hear it, I'm OK with that.)
• Bloody wounds can be good fodder for the creative at heart.  One of the funniest things that came out of the whole incident was that I took a picture of Liam's scrape to text to Jim (you know, in order to prove how horrific this accident was and that I was really not over-reacting...even though the picture may not have proven that point...).  So later, Natalie was using a hilarious iPad app called Puppet Pals that lets you make little skits using cartoon people, complete with changeable backgrounds and sound, and adding your own photos.  She narrates some really funny little puppet shows this way.  A few weeks after the accident, she did a puppet show that involved princesses and a queen, and this little oval shaped red spot that they called "the bloody finger."  She had cropped the picture of Liam's bloody wound, and inserted it into her puppet show.  First it was a "bloody finger" and then later the Queen decided it was a hamster, and then at the end it grew and grew until it swallowed them all.  Quite fitting.  Then on Valentine's Day she cropped the bloody wound picture again and turned it into a heart for Daddy.  Love that girl.  

So I guess the moral of the story for me is "Yay, me!  for not being too over-protective, and allowing accidents to happen that can spur both independence and creativity in my children."  Or something like that.  In any case, I am learning to appreciate the hills for their beauty again.

The Birthday Post That Time (Mom) Forgot

I need to get one thing out of the way, here.  Owen turned five at the end of November!  Five, five, five!  He is five!

It really is a blogging travesty that I did not do a birthday post at that time, because Owen himself had a year of build-up, a week of birthday celebration frenzy, and a post-birthday period that is just now waning a bit.  And by post-birthday period, I mean that beginning the day after his birthday, he would approach anyone and everyone and tell them "I'm five now!  My birthday was...(fill in the blank - he is quite good at time/calendar comprehension, so it would start out "one day ago," then "two weeks ago," and now we are in the "a while ago" time frame).  We would be having dinner in a restaurant, and he would spot strangers coming in the door and remark, "I bet they don't know that I'm five..." and we would have to rein him in before he approached them to announce it.

I have no doubt that one day Owen will be researching blog posts as part of therapy to uncover the exact moment(s) that his mother failed him and caused his eventual downfall, and he will discover that I did not blog about his Beloved 5th Birthday!!! until February.  Lord help me.

Maybe it's not a coincidence that Owen would like (usually) to be older than he is.  He wants to be as old as his siblings (and, what do you know, Natalie wants to be his age, because she has declared that "babies get everything" and "everyone says little kids are cute"), he wants to be able to hang with the big boy pack in the neighborhood, he wants to be able to watch scary movies and games.  He is always calculating his age in comparison to everyone else.  I must have at least that in my favor, because he is not shy about telling everyone I am 44.  Older must be better.  Yay, me.

But back to the birthday.  I really felt that I had to give him a real party, with real friends, this year.  He liked Chuck E. Cheese last year, but I could tell he felt cheated a bit when he realized it was family-only and his friends weren't coming.  The boy is such a social animal.  But from a selfish standpoint, I was worried about a huge, long, noisy party sending him into stimulation overdrive and making it impossible for anyone (me) to enjoy.  So I tried to compromise this year, and booked a party at the bouncy inflatables party place, but I set the time for a Tuesday morning, hoping to keep the party small that way.  It worked (for me) because most of his class could not attend.  I honestly thought more of them would be able to attend, since his preschool class was Mon/Wed/Fri.  Luckily, his very Best Friend at school came - otherwise my guilt over intentionally keeping the attendee list small would have been too much.  I think he had a great time.  And the parents who were there all seemed to enjoy the lower volume, shorter time, and less crazy atmosphere.  So hopefully win/win (until Owen is old enough to read about it and realizes I sabotaged his party).

My birthday boy.  He is the only kid I know at the age of almost-but-not-quite-five-but-want-to-talk-about-my-pending-birthday-to-everyone who gets the following comments within a week span from different acquaintances (think realtor, handyman, etc.):  "That boy is going to be President some day," and "Whew.  I think he's going to be a CEO someday" to "What a Salesman that boy will make."  I would be happy to think that even one person had made a comment like that about me anytime in my life, but I doubt it has happened (parents don't count).  But Owen can be captivating that way.  He has a presence, and an awareness of relationships and connections and surroundings.  Also a charm.  The realtor may have opined about Owen being President shortly after Owen looked up at him, cocked his head to the side and declared, "I sure do like your beard.  That's a nice beard!"  on the heels of asking the man about the age and whereabouts of his son, what baseball team said son played on, and various other personal data gathering topics.  Flattery is powerful.  Say what you will about whether the charm is real or fake (and really, I suppose intentions can be less than sincere, but can charm be fake?), the boy is interested in people.  My little social butterfly.  He has opened up my eyes to this different world, being the social caterpillar that I am.  He is social, he is passionate, he is interested in the people and world around him, and he is enthusiastic.  "Enthusiasm" and "zest" are words I always hear from his teachers.  Happy Birthday, my wonderful boy!

 The party was Ninja themed.  Those are Lego Ninja eyes taped to the balloons.

 The Lego Ninja cake made by a neighbor.  Owen loved it SO much that he literally jumped for joy when he saw it and gave her the biggest hug and thanked her over and over, prompting her to invite him to come to her house and play with her son's legos while he was at school (see Salesman reference above).

Sliding - whee!

 Owen and his very best friend (much missed, now that we've moved).  I'm just now noticing his friend is wearing Spiderman shoes.  Ha!  I guess that's why he wants to wear his own Spidey shoes (handed down from a different friend) all the time.  Jim thinks they are the ugliest shoes, and always tries to convince him to wear "normal" ones.

Owen the Pirate, with the telescope and headband that his best friend gave him for a birthday present.  Aaarrrgh!  Love that pirate look.

He does make a handsome five year old.

Catch Up!

Well, here we go.  An attempt to catch-up from my much too long blog hiatus.

Celebrations that have passed:  Thanksgiving, Owen's birthday, my birthday, Christmas, Christmas break, New Year's Eve.

Surely I could have found a few minutes to write about any one of those very important topics??  One would think so.... But the other thing going on in the midst of all that celebrating was that we MOVED.  As in, packed up boxes and boxes of household crap junk belongings, loaded three children into the van, spent a week mooching off family while homeless over Christmas, and landed in a new state about 845 miles away from our "home state" of the last six years.  Yeah, I know, it sounds easy.  It's not that easy.

And, just like the last time we moved (with children), I tip my hat to those families that undertake moves even more often than every six years or so.  My parents, for instance, moved about every two years while my father was in the Navy.  Every two years.  With up to four children, a dog, two cats, and undoubtedly boxes and boxes of crap junk household belongings.  I do.not.see.how.they.did.it.  It is all very stressful, this moving stuff.  I anticipated the BIG stressful things:  the loss of friends, the financial costs, the stress of meeting new people and learning a new area, unboxing everything, and all of that.  What I probably underestimated are the millions of tiny ways in which everything is more difficult after a move.  Things like being forced to input a Zip Code into the gas pump when you use your debit card, and not being sure if you should input your "old" or "new" Zip Code, and getting locked out of using that card for trying too many options.  Or having to find a new doctor rather quickly, spending an inordinate amount of time on the internet looking for appropriate options with good reviews, filling out an inordinate amount of paperwork prior to the appointment, waiting an hour in the office and filling out even more paperwork, only to have the doctor come in and announce that he does not treat your condition (as you are days away from running out of your prescription).  Yeah.  It's things like that, that wear me down.  Still, overall, I recognize that the move has gone well.  I was very worried about a mid-year school change for the kids.  We still have some kinks to work out, but that part went much more smoothly than I had expected.  We got into the house (only one day later than planned), our belongings arrived mostly in one piece, the holiday travel was quite enjoyable, and the new neighborhood is friendly and social.  It's all good.  Time marches on, whether I blog about it or not.  I am going to try to blog about it more now, however.  Even if that means that sometimes I feel like Owen looks in this picture.