The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly

The Good: Natalie went to gymnastics today, no problem. She bounced around, all smiles. Okay, it did perhaps entail a bribe. Is it bad to encourage your child to exercise by promising them candy if they do? Am I setting a bad precedent here? Well, maybe so, but I'm okay with that. I figured giving a lollipop today was better than having another gymnastics sit-in boycott that would lead to a different sort of precedent (the "look at this - I have a new way of getting out of things" precedent). Plus, I was giving her the benefit of the doubt about possible reasons behind her recent flurry of civil disobedience and general moodiness (see The Bad).

The Bad: I am wondering if I am to blame for at least some of Natalie's recent behavior. I do know from past experience that this can be a tough age. I found 3s harder than 2s for Liam as well. But...as I was talking to Natalie's teachers this week in her regular parent/teacher conference, something else occurred to me. They said everything was fine, and she is wonderful, just a little introverted and introspective(gee, wonder where she gets that from). They had noticed the separation anxiety since the holidays. Then I told them about the adoption, so they wouldn't be surpised if she misses a few days while we are gone, etc. And they asked how much she knew about it...and I started telling them how she has been asking quite a few questions lately about Owen, about Russia, about "where is Owen's mother?" And then I remembered an old neighbor of mine who was a pediatrician warning me about kids of this age (Liam was 3 when we were starting all the adoption stuff) becoming very nervous if they get the idea that mothers can go away. And I started thinking how Natalie has been so clingy lately, and acting more babyish, and using the phrase "But I want to HAVE you!" a lot. I thought it was just being 3...but now I'm thinking I may have raised some huge issues in that little head. So the past 2 days I have been trying very hard to get some quality one on one time, and to tell her a lot that I am her mommy forever, and she will always be my baby, and I will take care of her. I hope it helps. It kills me to think I may have planted a bad seed in that innocent little garden of youth where parents are perfect and never leave.

The Ugly: Thinking that I may have been premature even discussing Owen with them... The uncertainty around Trip 1 is excruciating torture. I feel certain that things like this are banned within the Geneva Convention. Aren't they?? Another family had their trip cancelled yesterday, with one day notice. Two more are due to go in the next week, so we'll see how it goes. The strange thing is that I haven't seen any other chatter on the "adoption boards" about a shutdown. Is it just my agency? Just my luck? Just my region? Why are they only giving families one day notice? Is it intentional torture, or just accidental? Why do I keep expecting any of this to be logical or rational? Positive thoughts...positive thoughts...we aren't cancelled yet. It's not over 'till the fat lady sings. Somebody just give me her name, and I will go make her sing.